Dec 06 2009
What is So Important?
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One of the most important values I hold is a high regard for community. That can mean different things in different situations. I have a community of non-political friends, a community of VERY political friends, I have a community of bookish friends, a community of outdoor-enthusiast friends. I realized today that I have a new community - of soup kitchen friends. There are other communities, too. Work community, church community, family community, hobbyist community…the list goes on. Some communities overlap each other. For instance, I have a friend who is in my Pagan, political, and neighborhood communities (hi Jeff!).
How many communities are you in, and what do you do to honor those communities?
Now for something sort of scary -
“25 percent of Americans did not have a single confidant in 2004″
What color are your best friend’s eyes? How many of your neighbors’ names do you know? When was the last time you got together with friends and just hung out, with no goal or agenda?
“The primary societal role of U.S. citizens is no longer that of “citizen” but that of “consumer.”
You can consume all on your own, but how many active citizens participate by themselves?
“Television:… separates people from one another…creates sensory deprivation...redefines happiness and the meaning of life.”
How many people do you know who can name every celebrity in the news today but who cannot name their favorite teller at the bank?
Where is our focus, people? Is it on “us” or is it on “me”? While a certain amount of self-interest is healthy and necessary for a reasonable life, I submit that our culture has slowly chipped away at our ability to discern the need for community. dugski and I live in a cute, post-WW2, cinderblock home. It’s on a corner lot, with an alley in back, and with a three foot tall picket fence all around. We know almost every one of our neighbors, and then some.. We know our mail carrier’s name (Dave). The shirt I am wearing was gifted to me by my alley-neighbor. The best salsa on earth I have ever tasted was brought to us by our neighbor across the street, who wanted to thank us for helping her with a chore at her house. There is a Vietnam vet down the street who is missing a leg and who rides his bike everywhere, even in the icy winter. Most of us leave any aluminum cans we have collected in small piles scattered through the alley. He collects them and turns them in for money. A woman and her daughter wheel around a cooler filled with spicy pork and chicken tamales that they sell in the neighborhood for six dollars a dozen. Another neighbor grows the best tomatoes. I grow the worst. So she walks up and hand delivers the meatiest, juiciest red orbs right onto my doorstep. and in return, I give her oprganic garlic. I haven’t even introduced you yet to the 84 year old woman two doors down from us who still does her own home improvement repairs (except for garage door ones, now that she knows who lives two doors down from her). Nor have I told you about our other community of neighbors, each one a character, each one an expression of “our community”. Having neighbors and knowing each one’s story has taught me one very important thing during the time we have lived here.
There is something to be said for depending upon each other.
I go for walks around the greenbelt and it dawned on me today that these days too much of my focus is on avoiding slip-n-fall disasters on the ice. I don’t look at trees. I don’t look at other people. Somebody says, “Hi kym!”, then I look up. Otherwise, I look at the ground. It’s because I don’t want another broken bone. Put more correctly, it’s because I don’t want another broken bone BILL. I feel afraid that if I look away from my own concerns too long, a bad thing might happen.
While I am not about to stop surveying the ground with obsessive care, I think it is about time I remember where my value lies. It lies not in keeping the next bill from piling up at the expense of waving to the woman whose dog looks a little like my own. My value lies in balancing my autonomy with my community. After all, wasn’t it only last month that some of my most active community partners pulled out all the stops and helped me come up with a way to pay for a rather substantial part of that bill? Who am I to deny a smile to the old man on the park bench who looks up long enough from his copy of “Moby Dick” (or “Going Rouge”, I don’t discern that closely) to offer me a smile? Don’t I owe him a smile back?
Why don’t we each take the next opportunity to look up and smile at the guy who is shoveling snow, the woman who is at the fuel pump next to us, the couple with the whining kid in the produce aisle? Community begins from within. One way to fight the fear, the darkness, the “who knows what will happen next?” is to embrace the kindness, the generosity, and the friendship of a community near you.
This rant was inspired by a (slightly nihilistic) link sent out by Arnie on FB -
kym
“The ultimate safeguard of limited government is the people. And in order for us to know if the federal government is overstepping its bounds, we obviously need to know what those bounds are.” - Chick Heileson |
4 responses so far
Community such as you describe is an active participation concept. Some of us out here are such grumps that we don’t enjoy actually interacting with our neighbors.
That being said, you are an extraordinary human being, and I’ve noticed you have an ability to interact with everyone. You make me smile because of that, and I envy the energy that kind of personality uses, and generates! You go, woman!
Kym, I agree with Darlene. You are one extraordinary human being. There was a time that I thought I could write; your writing puts my efforts to shame.
Jim
Great article!
I have to say that I used to be one of those people that didn’t say much to anyone unless they said something to me. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to, I figured I’d look like a freak or bother someone that didn’t want to talk to me.
Then I met my honey, Tony. He talks to eveyone, he is one of the most friendly people I know. He can strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere, and it’s rubbing off on me. Now I can say ‘hi’ to people that I don’t know and I’ve actually had conversations with strangers just because we were sharing the same small spot on the planet. I love it!
Darlene - You give yourself more “grumpy points” than you probably deserve. Have you ever observed how your smile and eyes brighten the corner of a room? When you and Mike started coming to DL, the rest of us were SO excited. If you were such a grumpy gus, we would have not been quite so happy to have your dynamic personality added to our group.
Jim - thanks for your kind words. I started out “editing” a book for a friend. Turns out I am actually writing the thing now.
Alice - When do I get to meet your guy? He sounds wonderful. When I met my Libra, he did not talk to many people either - now he is a regular chatterbox. It’s so adorable.
Not everybody is as outgoing as some of us, which is probably a very good thing otherwise nothing but chatter would ever get done. What is vital, I believe, is a sense of belonging, being a part of, enjoying the company of others - that is what our society lacks. There are six foot tall fences between peoples’ homes, there are long commutes to and from work, there are enticing shows on the tv…all of that and more nudge us toward isolation. And in this world, at the time, I sincerely believe that is the last thing we need.
Okay, since the page let me in, I might as well go to round up an article to post here.