Feb 19 2010
The Secret to Happiness (Seriously)
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Go out to dinner often with friends / family.
Have a strong social backbone.
Give of yourself.
Friends, really, it’s THAT simple. And it might seem strange, unless you’re like me and you already do all of the above and therefore already feel like the happiest person on earth - even when life throws you suck-balls (which it will do).
Here is the expanded explanation, my opinion derived from the video link to this story (I cannot find the actual video yet, maybe tomorrow it will be up).
Churches - the ones in this city seem to be “integrated”, meaning, they work together. Those of you who work at the Idaho Falls soup kitchen know a bit about this. The kitchen itself is owned by a church, and they have reached out to the entire community (spiritual and secular) to find groups who will share in the responsibility to running the kitchen.
Charities - who here volunteers for a cause they feel strongly about? If you do, then I don’t need to tell you how THAT fact alone can help you feel happier all on its own. For those of you who don’t volunteer, this is why volunteering is a habit you owe to yourself and to the world. The act of taking yourself out of yourself and becoming a part of the social fabric around you - is one of the most strengthening gifts you can give TO yourself. You know the cliche about how it’s better to give than receive? Well, when you find a volunteer effort that fits you like a glove, your very DNA will respond to giving as if it’s oxygen. Truly.
Friends / family - You don’t need to be a social butterfly, but every attempt you make to get outside of yourself and break into your community - I PROMISE you, it will make a WORLD of difference on your outlook.
Personal side note. I have some of the world’s most thoughtful friends, hands down EVER. I won’t mention them by name, but you guys know who you are. Most of them live close by, though not all of them do. My eyes are watering up as I write this, that’s how deeply I love these friends. They do really cool things like mail or drop by with goodies, gifts, and they even email just to say “hi”. A couple of the most courageous are slogging through a first-ever book writing attempt I’m involved with, which cannot be easy for them (lol - you’re all my heroes). A few friends put together the fund raiser for my arm. It’s not the gifts and goodies or even the IMMENSE work of putting together a fund raiser or editing a five hundred page fledgling book that make them the best people on earth, it’s the fact that they stop, think about who might need or want validation / assistance / appreciation, then they act on that. Words cannot describe the importance of that. Call up your friends or family (whoever you’re lucky enough to live close to) and invite them over, or invite yourself over to their house. Or go to the dive-diner around the corner for a shared basket of greasy fries. It really doesn’t matter. Just get outside of yourself, engage in your loved ones’ lives. They deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The secret to happiness IS a simple one. Put yourself out there, even (especially) if your natural tendancy is to keep to yourself.
Yes, I sound like an idealist, and yes I know life frequently sucks (trust me, I know this). We all have our bad days or even our bad years…so in a way you owe it to yourself. Do the three things listed at the beginning of this email and I PROMISE that no matter what - you WILL feel happier in your life. So if you’re already pretty happy - you’ll be skyrocketing toward happiness-heaven. And if you’re not particularly happy, then being charitable, friendly, and networked-in will improve your outlook (probably a million percent).
Life is a journey that begins all over again every day…making the best of whatever lot you got is in your hands. And it all starts with looking outside of yourself and asking the simple question, “What can I do for somebody else to make their day brighter?” Ask that often enough, and it becomes a habit. You help make people happier EVERYWHERE you go…and then it’s reflected back to you. I promise, it works like magic.
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6 responses so far
Kym, it’s amazing how eternally joyful you appear to be, even when life throws those suck-balls at you!
I have noticed the old saying is true…if you put on a happy face, a genuine smile, you can’t be angry or sad or anything BUT happy.
I was too depressed to get up and go to Drinking Liberally meeting yesterday…but I did anyway…and I felt so much better when I got home. I just had to make myself do it, but it worked.
I definitely agree that you make your own happiness. It’s not always easy, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.
My boyfriend is one of those people you mention that is always ready to give to and do for others. He is an awesome person and I will never come close to his level of giving and caring, but I appreciate him more every day, and so do my kids and grandkids.
I think the little things help. I splurge and get the good coffee creamer at the store. I always have some sort of dark chocolate on hand, and I keep popcorn on hand because, dammit, it makes me happy (and it’s cheap). I indulge in my addiction to cheesy movies with a blockbuster membership so I dont’ feel like I’m wasting money when I rent them because it’s the same price every month.
Practice happiness, and eventually, it’s just habit.
I like Alice’s description of happiness as a habit. I know people who make a habit of being a victim (oh, woe is me) and I think they just need to get inthe happiness habit instead.
I have a Down’s Syndrome grandchild who is always infectiously happy.
It can be done if you just do it. As Darlene mentioned you sometimes have to overcome your own unwillingness. I don’t suggest that it is easy but it is a choice.
People with a chemical imbalance don’t choose to feel a particular way. We can’t be so flip as to suggest it’s as simple as smiling. Look at Koenig, had everything but the ability to continue.
As I said, it might not be easy but it IS a choice.
I am not in any way belittling people with a chemical imbalance, so I’ll get that out of the way right off.
I went to counselors and tried every anti-depressant drug available through the counselors and my doctor. This was not a quick process, it went on for a few years.
After all of the talk and chemicals, I finally came to two conclusions. One: my problem wasn’t depression, it was anxiety, and Two: my reaction to my life was a main component (and at the time, my life was a mess).
The drugs never helped. Once it was determined that my problem was anxiety and not depression, I got to try a plethora of different drugs which ranged from no effect to creating a zombie. (note: never try a new anti-anxiety drug on a day that you are scheduled to speak to your child’s principal *sigh*)
I now realize that my anxiety is, and always has been, caused by my perceived lack of control of my life. It’s a constant struggle to stand up for myself and be in control, but I see now how much better I feel when I empower myself. It’s a daily test, but I feel better than I did, and I know I’ll feel better every time I put my foot down. Bonus; I know I don’t need drugs to accomplish my goal of happiness, I just have to stand up for myself, decide what it is I want and make it happen.
Not as easy as it sounds, but understanding what I have to do is a big chunk of the battle, and I’m much happier now than I was a few years ago.